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jokes



  • Q. What did the horse say when he fell?

    A. Help, I’ve fallen and can’t giddy up!!



  • Stop. Stop it now.
    👅



  • Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory.

    For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

    Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

    After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

    The next day he came home from work very early.

    His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.

    Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

    He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

    Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis.

    She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?

    Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."



  • It was coming up to Mary's 50th birthday, so her husband, Frank, who had never been good at birthdays asked, "Would you like a fur coat or a diamond ring for your birthday?"

    Mary quickly responded, "Neither, I want a divorce"

    Frank replied, "I wasn't planning on spending that much!"



  • How do you sell oranges to a deaf man?



  • A man went to his GP and said, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth"

    The doctor said, "You need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist, not a GP"

    The man said, "I know, I was passing and saw your light on"



  • In addition to being alcohol free, today marks four weeks without sugar. Running 5kms a day, no meat, dairy or flour. No caffeine! The change has been fantastic! I feel great! A healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine-free, sugar-free, and a 2-hour workout every day.
    I don't know whose status this is, but I was really proud of them!
    So I decided to copy and paste. Feel free to do the same



  • @kess said in jokes:

    In addition to being alcohol free, today marks four weeks without sugar. Running 5kms a day, no meat, dairy or flour. No caffeine! The change has been fantastic! I feel great! A healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine-free, sugar-free, and a 2-hour workout every day.
    I don't know whose status this is, but I was really proud of them!
    So I decided to copy and paste. Feel free to do the same

    Low Carb (Max 100 a day) No Sugar is a great diet, I lost 12 kilos in 9 weeks

    Another one is the Keto Diet.



  • @Lizard-King said in

    Low Carb (Max 100 a day) No Sugar is a great diet, I lost 12 kilos in 9 weeks

    Another one is the Keto Diet.

    I dropped 23 kg in 3 months doing Keto. Didn't even walk to the letterbox during that time. Easiest 'Diet' I've ever seen. Eating inch thick steaks with fried Eggs ontop, Keto Cheesecake with sugarfree maple syrup for dessert etc


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